Fire is an energy-producing gift of God that gives warmth and allows us to cook. But a forest fire or a house burning to the ground or a person engulfed in flames is fire out of control-it is horrible and frightening. Water and fire are good things which, when they occur outside their God-intended boundaries, become bad. Likewise, God designed sex to exist within certain boundaries. Sex is a good thing which, when it occurs outside its God-designed boundaries, becomes bad.
The greater the gift from God, the more power it has both for good and bad. Inside marriage, sex has great power for good. Outside marriage it has equally great power for bad. The boundaries of sex are the boundaries of marriage. Sex and marriage go together. Sexual union is intended as an expression of a lifelong commitment, a symbol of the spiritual union that exists only within the unconditional commitment of marriage. Apart from marriage, the lasting commitment is absent and the sex act becomes a false expression, a lie.
Every act of sex outside of marriage cheapens both sex and marriage. Sex is a privilege inseparable from the responsibilities of the sacred marriage covenant. Sex is designed to be the joining of two persons, of two spirits, not just two bodies. Your sexual purity is essential to your walk with God. Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart. If you are not living in sexual purity, God will not hear your other prayers until you offer the prayer of confession and repentance and commit yourself to a life of holiness 1 John 1: You are vulnerable to sexual immorality.
You are targeted for sexual immorality. The evil one wants to take you down and to use your life as a bad example to other Christians, who will imitate your moral compromise. God requires that we be holy and pure instruments to be used by him 2 Timothy 2: More Christians—including Christian leaders—become useless and are lost to serving Christ due to sexual immorality than anything else. See my booklet Sexual Temptation: Establishing Guardrails and Winning the Battle.
Satan has declared war on you: These evil beings have vested interests in your moral collapse. They will do everything in their power to strike out at Christ and his church through enticing you into immorality. Satan is neither omnipresent nor omnipotent—there are only so many demons and none of them can be two places at once.
Therefore, fallen angels attack and tempt not indiscriminately but with strategic purpose. Satan does not have to waste his time on those who have already made the biggest messes of their lives. Rather, he specially targets those whose fall would have the greatest negative effect on the kingdom of God. The devil wants to derail you from serving God. He wants you imprisoned to sin. God wants you free. His aim is deadly, he excels at tailor-made temptations, and it is at our points of greatest vulnerability that he will attack.
See it as an opportunity to serve God. Have a community of Christians around you…and LISTEN to them. But so is marrying a sleezeball. When you date, allow the community of people around to speak into your relationship. Your feelings can deceive you. I know too many men and women who refused to listen to people around them, and their prideful arrogance resulted in a failed marriage.
Find men and women you trust, and allow them to speak into your relationship. Pursue a pure mind. In the process, I filled my heart and mind with lust, and I secretly struggled with pornography. Christians, instead, need to teach the importance of a pure mind. But the sacrifice is worth the prize. A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse. It allows you to jump into marriage with a clear conscience. Just you, your spouse, and God. You have not made covenant vows to one another.
So, the person you are dating is not yours. Dating and marriage are not for those who rely on another person for joy, peace, and purpose. Co-dependent dating leads to co-dependent marriages. And co-dependent marriages eventually crumble because the weight on them is too heavy. Make sure God is the center of your life before you start dating. Dating towards marriage will take a back seat.
In fact, every principle discussed in this article is null and void without God at the center. I believe these principles could transform lives. What principles are important for Christian dating. Leave a comment below. I love you all.
About Randy Alcorn
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