She'll be online here on Slate to chat with readers each Monday at noon. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion. Ask me your questions on the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast. Just leave a message at DEAR , and you may hear your question answered on a future episode of the show. Dear Prudence, My husband and I have been married eight years. My husband and I have a family.
During one of those times, his brother and I remained good friends, and he set me up with a co-worker of his. This co-worker ended up drugging and raping me. It took me a long time to accept that this happened, and I never filed charges. Now, years later, my husband tells me he overheard his brother bragging to guys on their crew about how his friend would date a girl, then drug her and videotape himself raping her to show others.
Now knowing he practically orchestrated it is tearing me up. The fact that my husband saw this video years ago and never told me has been a crushing blow. I want to confront my brother-in-law so much and being around him at get-togethers is painful. The problem is he has spiraled in these years from playboy to drug addict and is increasingly self-destructive. This puts my husband in a very tangled middle.
What should I do? Advertisement —Not So Secret Subscribe to Prudie! I am so sorry that you have been assaulted and betrayed by not one but three men you believed you could trust. He and his brother have both known for years that the man who drugged and raped you is a habitual, unrepentant predator who makes a habit of recording and boasting about his crimes, and neither of them have done anything either to protect you or to prevent him from raping again.
That he would accuse you now of trying to drive a wedge in between him and his brother by objecting to his continued silence beggars belief. Moreover, if you spoke to your brother-in-law you would not be in any way responsible if he were to later overdose. Your husband is not a good man. His brother is not a good man. Neither one of them deserve your love or your trust. They are not the men you thought they were.
I imagine that right now you must feel disoriented and completely without support. Please consider seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual assault and trauma. This has always posed a logistical problem when we try to celebrate. This year I am particularly unhappy because, for the second time, I have received an invitation to a surprise birthday party for the other woman thrown by her sisters.
I am very upset at the thought of spending my birthday at a party being thrown exclusively for someone else, and last time I attended her surprise birthday party I left early and cried on the drive home because it made me feel so overlooked. These feelings have been building since elementary school when her mother would bring birthday cake and balloons to school, and our birthday was completely focused on her.
Schedule your own for the following weekend. You two are not inextricably bound to one another, like two Bearers of the One Ring, just because you happen to have been born on the same day. Do not cry alone in your car unless it is absolutely unavoidable; take every opportunity to minimize the possibility of solo car-crying. My best friend and I have been indescribably close for over a decade.
We worked together at our first jobs in high school, and she has been like a sister since. I have been with my husband high school sweetheart for over 10 years, married for almost 8. We have 3 kids. My best friend married at 18 and had a daughter; a year later she was a divorced single mom. It was love at first sight. They got married, and she became my sister-in-law. At first, this was like the coolest thing ever.
Imagine how excited I was that we could share holidays together, bitch about our in-laws together, double date, and all that. Her daughter was already my god-daughter, and now she is my niece. Our kids get to be cousins now. Then my BIL brother-in-law joined the Marines and they relocated about 2, miles away. That was a major bummer for me personally, but we stayed very close, Skyped all the time, etc. In , while deployed in Afghanistan, my BIL brother-in-law was very seriously injured in an IED blast.
He lost both legs above the knee and lost a lot of the use of his right arm. He also lost his ability to father children. Obviously, this had a huge impact on everybody. It changed the whole dynamic of the family Last year, feeling that we should be closer to the both of them, DH dear husband and I decided to pack up and move the family to California to be near his brother and my best friend. At first, I was really glad to be here. I mean, we came to be close to them and give them help if they needed it.
During his initial recovery period, he needed a lot of help. He was in a lot of pain physically and mentally and needed a lot of support. I tried to be there for them in any way that I could, whether it be cleaning their house, running errands, doing dishes, cooking dinner, picking up my niece from school, etc.
The problem is, if I can be completely honest, I'm starting to feel a void between us. We're very close in a lot of ways, but the dynamic has changed so much. All our kids play together and I'm always watching all 4 of them and driving them around to activities or whatever. We spend ALL our free time with them, so it's not a matter of not getting to see my best friend enough anymore It's like, she's not my best friend anymore?
She sees me all the time, but I'm like the maid or nanny. Things have settled down a lot for them. My BIL brother-in-law had his car adapted with hand controls, so he can drive himself places now.
My best friend's just started dating my brother. A recipe for disaster, no?
Brother in-law dating best friend?
Handle it in a mature, discreet way so that all parties can remain friendly afterwards. Are you caught in the middle. Handle it in a mature, but her brother just chalked it up to his younger sister having a little girl crush on one of his friends - until she came of age. She had known him for years and he was a great friend best friend dating brother in law the family. Make sure the guy in question actually likes you as much as you like him. If you decide friennd date the guy anyway, getting intimate or even hating my brother would probably leave me feeling a little uneasy. Chances are they know him way better than you do and could possible silver surfer dating agency you some heartache. Maybe I was just oblivious? Not that you need permission, video links or exceed words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. Chances dating vintage shirts they know him way better than you do and could possible daitng you some heartache. Not that you need permission, but definitely consider their feelings and their point of view? PARAGRAPH. Are you caught in the middle. Make sure the best friend dating brother in law in question actually likes you as much as you like him. What if they break up.
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