Let me be clear: I am not going to tell you that virginity is right or wrong, and I am not going to tell you whether or not you should stay a virgin. That is a normative decision, and not mine to make for you. I will say that Western society has undeniably pushed the normal marriage age beyond the years at which are bodies are prime for sex and children few people will dispute this.
And while this doesn't mean that you should or shouldn't have sex, it does mean that if you want to stay a virgin until marriage, it's going to be tough. Without having a clear idea in your mind about the circumstances in which you want to lose your virginity, there is no way that you are going to be able to resist the social and biological pressure to have sex; and as I will explain, neither is there any way that you will be confident in your dating life.
So the first thing you need to do in order to start dating successfully as a virgin is to decide when or under what circumstances you want to stop dating as a virgin. With that said, let's get into the questions Should you tell the guys you are date that you are a virgin? This seems like a simple "yes" or "no" question, but it isn't. The very fact that you feel the need to ask it betrays a problem much deeper than your confusion about whether or not to tell a guy that you've never had sex before.
The problem is that you are treating your virginity like something that you have to admit, which is another way of saying that you are treating it like something that you need to hide. So the far more important question is "why do I feel ashamed of my virginity? If you were really sure of your life decisions, you wouldn't be worried about what the guys you date think of them.
You'd rightly disqualify guys who disapproved of your virginity because their disapproval betrays their incompatibility with you. Once you are comfortable with your decision, you won't need me to tell you the answer to your original question, which is that, yes, you should tell him you are a virgin, but only if the topic comes up naturally. Do not push your partner to have a particular discussion prematurely. Allow the relationship to progress at a pace that's comfortable for both of you.
If your partner is a virgin, physical intimacy may come slowly. It's vital that you respect your partner's wants and needs. Even if you're eager to get physically intimate, make sure you do not push your partner to engage in any form of physical contact before he or she is ready. Always ask your partner if something is okay before engaging in a new form of physical intimacy. Be respectful of the answer your partner gives. If the answer is no, stop. Method Establishing Boundaries 1 Be open about expectations regarding physical contact.
It can be awkward to discuss physical contact and sexual needs. However, it's better to have a discussion early on rather than inadvertently doing or saying something that makes your partner uncomfortable. At the beginning of the relationship, take efforts to be upfront. Know when and if your partner would be open to having sex. Your partner may not feel ready for a physical relationship at this stage in his or her life.
He or she may also want to wait until marriage to engage in sex. If you're dating a virgin, sex may not be a part of your relationship in the immediate future. Understand this going into the relationship. Understand what kind of physical contact your partner would enjoy. People who abstain from sex may enjoy kissing, hand holding, cuddling, and other light forms of physical contact.
Your partner may also be open to more intimate forms of sex play, like mutual masturbation or oral sex. It can be awkward to pause in the moment to discuss boundaries. If there is a form of physical contact that is off the table, ask your partner to be upfront about this right away. Say something like, "I understand you're a virgin. I want to know where the line is. Some backseat hookup that meant nothing and felt even less. You need to talk to her about this and let her explain the whole situation to you, including how she feels about it.
And you need to forgive her. If you focus too much on this it will cost you the relationship and hurt both of you. Is it really worth that to you? Is that what you really want? For the relationship to end? I know you want her to see her history through the condemning filter that you see it through…want her to see her past as bad and wrong like you do…but at what cost? If you really like this girl, see if you can work it out. This is more your hang-up than hers, and in the long run you will kick yourself for any hurt you caused her over it.
You have a chance to be the nice guy here, forgive her instantly for her past, and move forward enjoying your relationship. Watch and see which direction this girl goes in, and plan accordingly. Jessica June 10, at 2: And I feel like it will be even harder in the future. Any advice or insight? I would really appreciate it. Mike June 10, at 3: If you throw that away casually or for the wrong reasons, it will affect your development as a person.
It will make you less. You will become a person who gives up on her values whenever they cause her pain. Congrats, you have love! Mutually affectionate relationships are few and far between. That is what creates this pain you feel. As much as you can, you need to lighten up and enjoy him and the relationship for its own sake. Think in the present. Let the relationship go where it will on its own.
Either he is very compatible with you naturally, and you will end up getting married, etc. Or he is not forever-compatible with you and you both will eventually go your separate ways. But if you change your values now by giving up your decision to wait , you risk achieving a kind of fake compatibility that prolongs the relationship past its natural end. So again, stay strong and see where this goes. Talk to him about it.
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