We order three beers and talk. Kryss is very chatty, which is good because I'm nervous and the beautiful man keeps staring at me when I'm looking at Kryss. He thinks he is being slick, but I can feel his presence, can sense him looking. I try terribly hard not to blush, but it is damn near impossible. She disappears into the night. Kryss is terrible at directions so I know we have a while. My first beer is gone. Now there's a second. I feel comfortable, at home. Our body language says it all.
We are leaning in close. I get cold; he gives me his jacket without a second thought. His jacket smells like his cologne. I don't ever want to return it to him. It's been at least twenty minutes but it feels like twenty seconds when Kryss returns. She says she's been back a while and has been watching us, giving us more time. I'm thankful but I can tell Chris wishes it had been longer.
I'm finally drunk enough to propose the photo booth. Chris and I slip away behind its curtains. I'm suddenly very aware of how small a space we are sharing. The bench is tiny so I sit on his lap. The photo is terrible. The next time, we are ready, silly faces aimed at the camera. The third time, we smile normally. On the last photo, he turns my chin toward him and presses his lips to mine.
We don't stop when the photo is done. Suddenly he is standing, pushing me back on the bench, crushing his body on top of mine, his hands searching my hair, my arms, my torso. He grabs the beer from my hand and sets it on the ground beside him. I explore his body with my fingers, noting how in shape his is.
I am breathless and hot. I can't pull away. I want this moment to last forever. But Kryss is still at the table, waiting. We can't stay here. We pull way, panting and laughing. I pick up my beer. We join Kryss again, our hair slightly tousled, evidence of what just occurred. It is last call. We order one more and sit on the ledge of the canal, our feet dangling over the edge.
I am between the two of them and feel so much love. Kryss and I debate abortion. This is strange, but we are drunk, and passionate, like most intoxicated people tend to be. Later, Kryss will tell me about how Chris had stars in his eyes when I spoke of Jude, my three year old son. I saw them, but I thought it was just the haze of the alcohol. Maybe it's something in the water, but it seems to me that I attract German men quite easily.
Now, maybe it's my German heritage that they can sense, or my hilariously bad New York accent when I speak German, but I have a feeling that it's my amazing flirting that has gotten me into some pretty awkward, and hilarious, situations. However, I have noticed above all else that dating a German can be akin to dating a brick wall.
Don't ever dive in head first because you're more likely to come away with a headache than anything else. The stereotype of the German male - or for this post, Homo Deutschermanntus - consists of the following traits: Inability to laugh at one's self. Though I have found that H. These are Germans, after all, and we did steal the word Schadenfreude from them.
If you follow the subsequent list of do's and don'ts you should be able to win the heart of a H. Do's Do always show up at least 5 minutes early to dates. Do always dress your best. Do take compliments seriously. Do expect that whatever you do will somehow involve drinking. Do always "Prost" before drinking your drink. Do always make eye contact whilst "prost"ing.
I Fell in Love With a German on Tinder -- And It Wrecked Me Forever
Im gegenteil, the German dating website on a go-slow
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